did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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