u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
