over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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