Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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