Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
