remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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