can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize