Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
