just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just had sex on a roof
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
