i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
