Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
