I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
