I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
