Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
