yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
