"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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