Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
