Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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