you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
