Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
