and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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