btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
