i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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