even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
