I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
