Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
