hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
