You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
