I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
