It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
