First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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