That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
