It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize