Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
