His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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