Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize