remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
