At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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