i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
