so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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