Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
