I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
