i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
