I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
