Quick, to the slutcave!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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