Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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