it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
