i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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