All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
