I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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