You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
