Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
