Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
