we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
