My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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