I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
