You're completely useless in the revolution.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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