I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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