hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
