just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
