I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
