Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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