I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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