I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
