My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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