i permit you to call me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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