Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize