Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
