that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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