Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
